epilogue
by gardevoir
Summary: I'm trying to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together.
1. part one

this is post-Seven route  
please listen up _Epilogue_ by **The Antlers** before or while reading this

* * *

( ** _they had to let me go._** )

* * *

His tears leak even from closed eyes, fists and teeth clenching as he turns his head away. It's too much, the pain gathering in his chest.

He can't bear to watch them lower his reflection into the ground.

 **-/-**

 _"Even with Mint Eye disbanded, it seems their claim on me is permanent, hm? I figured those drugs would do a number on my body at some point or another." It's a classic Saeran maneuver, using dark humor to try and make light of an otherwise tragic situation.  
_

 _"No... no. I won't let them keep you anymore, Saeran. You're free now. No more shackles." Saeyoung forces a smile despite the flurry of emotions he feels inside, wondering why the hell they had to come back to where they'd started, the hospital.  
_

 _He won't lose him a second time._

 **-/-**

The sun is shining brightly overhead, as if mocking him, making light of today's occasion. Can't the sky take pity on him, just this once?

Saeran's being buried right before his eyes.

 **-/-**

 _"Saeyoung, please! You don't have to go this far! We can just keep trying medications. I'm sure one will start working soon enough..." Saeran's brow creases in concern as his brother mulls over the stack of papers in his lap, filled with information about organ transplants and their risks._

 _"What are you worried about? Money? Jumin will fund everything, and even if he wasn't, I could have done the same without any worry." Saeyoung looks up from his papers, his twin's expression a mirror. "I'm not giving up on you, Saeran. I've fought for you for too long to do such a thing."  
_

 _He'll tear down the sky if it means saving him._

 **-/-**

Birds chirp as the minister begins a speech, a song for his recently departed. His body shakes with silent sobs now, falling to the ground on his hands and knees.

He screams to the God above to bring his brother back.

 **-/-**

 _"It's funny, you know. All the things I did to you the last time we were here. Screaming and cursing at you, full of rage and saying anything I could to hurt you. I hated you for so long, and now that we're finally fixing what went wrong..." The head on Saeran's frail, paling body turns to stare at his reflection of a healthier state of being beside him. "I wanted us to watch each other grow old and nurture our families... but I guess this pair of twins were never really meant to stay together."  
_

 _"Saeran... why... I'm trying so hard, and you_ know _I'm doing everything I can to help you, and yet you would still say something like that to me? Does... does nothing I do matter to you anymore!? Saeran, please! Why are you so ready to give up!? ... Is it wrong of me to want my twin brother to live on with me...?" His voice quivers and breaks with his last question, lip trembling and feet fleeing when his younger self no longer looks his way, focused on the falling leaves of autumn outside.  
_

 _He knows just as well that it's almost time._

 **-/-**

Long after everyone else has left, he stands in front of the new tombstone. A heavy sigh escapes through his nose as tears prick his eyes once more, rendering him unable to read the inscription.

But maybe that's better for him anyway.

* * *

 _ **author's note**_

still wish ff had a right align option

part 2 will be uploaded later today at latest tomorrow.


	2. part two

well that didn't take very long at all.

* * *

( _ **my one and only parting gift.**_ )

* * *

The brush of grass against his cheek is what wakes him.

Opening his eyes in confusion, the child lifts himself up, searching all around him for the books he had beside him just moments ago. But really, the more pressing matter at hand is the fact that Saeran isn't here either, though he had been before he'd fallen asleep. Did he run off with the books again?

Sighing as he adjusts the wide, round glasses on his face, Saeyoung stands, brushing off any dirt that may have accumulated on his bottom. He glances every which way, peering out over the chest-high grass all around him. Just where could that brother of his have gone?

Picking a random direction, he steps forward with a shrug, pressing onward. There hadn't been many options for his course of action anyway, seeing as he doubts Saeran will just return with the books and admit to his guilt; he knows the meeker one's very interested in what he's reading. Is there really a need to steal his books all the time though?

Gazing up at the sky while on his search, he admires the ever-blue speckled with white, joy hitting him when he can see the moon contrasting with the blinding star across from it. Though annoyed with his brother's antics, he wishes he'll find him soon; he knows how excitable the other gets when he explains the different cloud formations, hoping Saeran will also be interested in the constellations beyond them. Maybe he should just ask him directly?

Walking for a few minutes more, he finally spots a shaggy head of red just like his own in the distance, opposing the sea of green below it. With no doubts as to who that obviously is, he runs now, shouting for his brother and stopping momentarily in surprise when the other runs as well. Just what in the world is going on here?

Shouting still, he continues after him, becoming frustrated when he realises that Saeran's getting farther and farther away from him somehow. Saeyoung's flustered state increases as he thinks about the fact that his brother can usually only run for all of five seconds before tiring out. Where has all this energy come from and why is he running away?

Suddenly, he trips; he's falling, falling, falling.

All around him, the world goes black, immersed in an impromptu sabbatical. He doesn't know when or where he'll stop, but his arms are out in front of him, bracing himself for the impact he's sure will come soon.

And it does.

He sees the roof of his home below him for an instant before crashing through it, falling from the ceiling of his shared room and into the bed below. His arms give out from underneath him, relieved that the sensation is over.

Somehow, the landing is gentle.

On his arms momentarily once again, he turns to lie down on his right side, frozen in place after falling back onto the bed upon seeing who is beside him. His expression is bewildered as his mouth falls open, but the shock of seeing him is too great.

He is muted in his terror.

Saeran stirs from all the movement his brother has caused, teal eyes and pale skin glowing in the dark eclipsing them. Despite his temporary trance, Saeyoung notices the other has an IV in his arm, adorned in a thin, white gown.

They're in the hospital again.

"Saeyoung? You're here... I'm glad you're back. I'm sorry for what I said." The teal shimmers, tears spilling onto the pillow below as he smiles through his wavering voice. "I held out just to see you one last time. Thank you... for never giving up on me."

When Saeran's eyes fall closed, he finds nothing out of the ordinary, up until he notices the hospital gown no longer shuffles at his chest. In a flash, he sits up, his voice finding him again as he shoves at his brother's shoulder to wake him up.

His throat is rubbed raw with his pleas.

 **-/-**

He gasps as he wakes up from the nightmare, eyes blown wide as he tastes tell-tale salt on his lips. He sits up as he frantically searches for his other half, feeling that the bed had gone cold from the lack of the other body.

Reality sets in a few seconds later, his hands holding his face as his shoulders are wracked with sobs. He remembers now, what had happened at the hospital, at the funeral.

His brother no longer walks in the land of the living. It's been three years since then already.

The memory of his final words still rings, in his ears, in his head, in his heart, as clear as the day he'd said them. Saeyoung's arms lower to his sides, his nails biting into his palms as the shakes subside, face contorted in a closed-eyed sneer.

Nothing he'd done had mattered in the end after all.

* * *

 _ **author's note**_

can you tell what kinda mood I'm in rn lmao...


End file.
